


A new home miles away

by Spookje



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Farm/Ranch, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Language Barrier, M/M, North Korean Defector, Refugees, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24357496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spookje/pseuds/Spookje
Summary: Yifan picks up a stranger at the gas station. When he learns the man is a defector from North Korea, he is compelled to take care of him.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Wu Yi Fan | Kris
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	A new home miles away

**Author's Note:**

> I've started this back in 2018, finished it in 2019 but then decided against posting it due to not being satisfied with the ending. So it's been a long time going, thank you [Swolosheep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swolosheep) for beta-reading it back in 2019 and giving great feedback.

The road was stretched out long before Yifan, dreary and long, just as he had gotten used to over the years since he moved away from his maternal home. While his mother remained in the small village where Yifan was born and raised, working on the family farm, Yifan had left home for life in the big city in hopes of working their way out of poverty. He would visit her once every month, if possible. With another stressful week passed, nothing felt better than driving home on the Saturday morning with the prospect of having a home cooked meal. He reached the gas station familiar to him, a tiny shack of a shop next to the petrol station. As always, it was deserted.

Stepping out of his vehicle, his shoes made contact with the sandy grounds. He was used to having an employee come running to him to refill his gas for him, but when no one showed up, he shrugged and handled it himself. It wasn’t until he was finished and walked to the small cottage for payment that he noticed someone sitting on a roadblock. Presuming from the clothing he dressed himself in, he must be a worker. All dirty with unkept hair, a typical country boy. Yifan walked towards him. The man glanced up at him, big eyes staring him down.

‘You gotta put in effort if you want to earn some, dude.’ Yifan kicked the stone near his feet. Last time he dealt with another punk like this, the stranger had tried to scam him into paying more for the gas he tapped.

Except, this punk remained quiet and docile, cocking his head slightly to the left as he continued to stare. Peculiar, Yifan thought. He glanced towards the cottage, but saw no one behind the cash register.

‘I can pay inside…?’ He asked, hoping to spur the man into some sort of reaction. That didn’t work. Yifan clicked his tongue and shook his head. ‘Whatever,’ He mumbled as he headed inside anyway. He grabbed a few snacks before heading to the cash register, dropping the cash he needed to pay on the counter.

He was about to turn around to leave when the old man that usually manned the shop popped up.

‘Mr. Wu, so nice to see you!’ He bowed and sauntered to the counter.

‘You should fire the brat outside, he’s no good.’

‘Who?’ The man asked, bewildered.

‘The man outside? Dirty, dressed like the last kid that tried to scam your customers?’

The shop clerk shook his head. ‘I haven’t hired anyone since.’

‘Ah, shit.’ Yifan sighed. ‘In that case, let me buy something more,’ Yifan said while he walked over and grabbed some candy and a soda as well. He immediately felt like a jerk. No wonder the kid didn’t reply at all. He waved the store clerk goodbye and walked back to the stranger on the roadblock.

‘Hey, I’m sorry. I treated you unfairly, and I had no right to. Lately, work has been a bitch and it has been getting to me. I’m constantly stressed and I’m taking it out on the wrong people,’ Yifan ranted, but stopped when he realized the man still didn’t move a muscle.

‘Take it.’ Yifan tapped the can of soda against his shoulder, which stirred the man to grab it. He pointed a finger at himself and glanced at Yifan with questioning eyes. Yifan nodded, finding himself oddly intrigued by this strange little man who opened the can and hesitantly looked at Yifan before taking several gulps of the sugary liquid.

Then, the man got up and bowed, a near 90 degrees bend. It irked Yifan, what fool would bow like that to a stranger? 

A glance at his watch told him he had time to spare, so Yifan sat down at the road block and passed the candies over to the man. He repeated his actions from before, but he presented the bag for Yifan to take some as well.

‘Are you homeless?’ Yifan asked.

The man blinked, then slowly nodded his head. ‘Kyungsoo.’

Yifan raised an eyebrow. ‘Kyungsoo? What is that?’

The man pointed to himself. ‘I am Kyungsoo.’

‘Oh… Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo. I am Yifan.’ Yifan replied a little awkwardly. ‘Why do you look so dirty? Did you run away from home?’

Kyungsoo gave him a blank stare, but then nodded slowly again. He wouldn’t be the first to run away from this hellish place. Many youth found themselves longing for a better life around these parts of town, where poverty was rampant. The government hasn’t been keen on enforcing laws in the rural parts of China, leading to anarchy and village-led rules. Yifan remembered the time when his friend convinced him to run away, trying to get to the big city on foot until they could find a train station. What a disaster that was, ending up 13 kilometers further with blisters on both feet and his will for city life crumbling with every step he took.

‘Well?’ Yifan tried again. The man was certainly testing his patience with the silent treatment he was giving. Yifan got up to his feet, ready to leave. ‘Sort it yourself, take care, kid.’

One step and he stopped, an iron grip on his wrist preventing him from leaving.

‘Help me,’ the stranger pleaded. He had jumped forward onto his knees to grab Yifan’s wrist, adding to his deplorable act. Yifan glanced back at him, confused but already feeling the soft spot in his heart melt. It was one of the reasons why he ignored the beggars in the city, he couldn’t bear the guilt he felt when they would look at him.

‘With what? Talk to me.’ Yifan demanded, pushing the conflicting feeling away in favour for answers.

The man glanced down at his own feet, then returned his gaze to meet with Yifan’s solemnly. He pulled his mouth open and spoke, but in a language Yifan couldn’t understand. It took him a couple of seconds to realize he was speaking Korean. Unlike Yifan, who grew uncertain from the sudden language barrier, the other man became more insistent. His other hand found Yifan’s still captured hand while he dragged his body up and towards Yifan. The man was clearly shorter than Yifan, but it made an impact nonetheless. A step back by the taller resulted in a step forward from the other.

‘Please. Help me,’ the man repeated in Chinese. While his accent was thick, his words were sincere to Yifan’s best knowledge.

Yifan sighed and already regretting his future actions, he placed his free hand on the foreigner’s shoulder. ‘Where do you need to go?’

And thus he continued the endless hilly road towards his mother, this time accompanied with a man next to him exuding with body odour. It was only in the car that he realized how thin this Kyungsoo really was. The shirt he wore hung loose on his body, but with the fabric lying flat on his body his protruding hip bones seemed too sharp to be healthy. Unsure as Yifan was, it felt like he was doing the right thing. He kept glancing over at the man, who quietly took in their surroundings. He occasionally looked back at Yifan, his mouth ajar as if to speak, but in the end it shut without a word spoken.

When the farm finally came into vision, Yifan couldn’t help but feel a content smile creep onto his face. It was a moment away from the hectic life in the city, a moment where life was simpler. He knew his mother would sit on the couch waiting for him already, the boiling hot tea and the small peanut snacks ready for him to welcome him home.

Today would be a little more different. He watched as Kyungsoo became increasingly more nervous as the car slowed and pulled onto the property. Then he wondered how his mother would react. He never even brought his city friends to his mother, let alone a homeless foreigner that he estimated to be only a few years younger than him.

While Yifan eagerly slammed the car door and walked over to the entrance door, Kyungsoo followed silently, trailing behind him with precarious steps. His ghosting was bad enough for Yifan’s mother to not have noticed him for the first five minutes they entered the house as she concerned herself over her son. Eventually she spotted him and glanced at Yifan weirdly.

‘Anyway, mother, this is Kyungsoo.’ Yifan stepped aside and placed a hand on Kyungsoo’s back, pushing him forward. The smaller bowed deeply.

Ms. Wu cocked her head at Yifan, her eyes silently asking him what was going on.

‘I think he’s a run-away. I found him at the petrol station, looking lost…’

His mother sighed and shook her head, but her lips carried a thin smile. ‘You will never stop bringing in strays, will you?’ Referring to Yifan’s nurturing instinct that had led him to bring any small animal he found weakened or injured home while he still lived on the farm.

‘At least it’s not a deer this time, right?’ They simmered at the thought when he did actually bring a month old deer home who had been hit by a car a kilometre away from here.

‘I still remember you coming home with a blood-soaked shirt, I was scared out of my wit that evening!’ They shared their laughter. Kyungsoo smiled along, even if he probably had no clue what was being said.

Ms. Wu turned to Kyungsoo and raised her nose. ‘Before you can join for tea, you should take a bath, young man.’

Kyungsoo looked like he had never heard of a bath before. By the looks of it, that wouldn’t be a far stretch. He shot a glance at Yifan, but seemed somewhat relieved when Yifan nodded and brought him to the bathroom. After a quick explanation which bottle was shampoo and which body wash, as quick one can be animating all the notions like playing a speed run of charades, Yifan took his leave to find him some clothing to wear. Luckily he had kept a bunch of old clothes around in his childhood bedroom, but none would fit the smaller frame of the man well. His mother chipped in with a track pants of Yifan’s belated grandfather. It certainly wouldn’t make Kyungsoo into a fashion icon, but keeping him clothed was enough for now. An afterthought Yifan entertained himself with was how handsome the man could look, would he have the tools to keep himself clean. Even the gravel of a tough life couldn’t hide the well proportioned face the man had, with big eyes, plump lips and a sharp jawline.

‘Yifan?’ His mother called, snapping him out of his well-derailed track of mind. He hurried into the living room. His mother was already waiting on the couch, patting the seat next to her for her son to sit at, ready to discuss the ins and outs of their lives.

‘How did the harvest go last month?’ Yifan asked, worried that he already knew the answer from the never-as-full-as-it-used-to-be storage room.

His mother sighed and threw up her hands. ‘That damn mine has been draining more ground water than usual, my crops have been suffering because of it. Dengta Jinfeng bastards.’ She spat their name. Since the mine 50 kilometers away opened up in 2001, the harvest has not been the same anymore. It didn’t help that more had popped up over the years, depleting the soil of its water.

It meant another year of costs outweighing the profits of the farm. Yifan was already working overtime to share what little he earned to put into the farm, but it wouldn’t suffice if the farm was kept alive on those premises alone.

Yifan was about to complain, until Kyungsoo walked into the living room. With Yifan’s oversized shirt on him and his wet hair combed backwards, he looked like a whole other person. It almost reminded him of the deer he had saved, scared and unsure when Yifan had wrapped him into his shirt to keep his two injured legs from moving. He thought it’d be best not to do the same with Kyungsoo, though the thought amused him.

Kyungsoo didn’t sit down, instead, he knelt before and started what seemed like chanting. Yifan’s mother sat frozen from either the sudden gesture or the foreign language coming out of the man’s mouth.

‘I think he’s Korean…’ Yifan said. She glanced over at Yifan, before she gasped and stood.

‘Do you think he’s a North Korean defector?’

Yifan shrugged. ‘Maybe. Probably? He has come a long way from the border though.’ It must have been over 200 kilometers between the border and the place where he found Kyungsoo. Many defectors hid themselves in villages near the border, but not many actually ventured further into mainland China due to poor infrastructure and the heavy consequences if they were discovered.

‘Yifan, pour him some tea, dear.’ As if ignited, his mother’s eyes lit up brightly and walked over to Kyungsoo to pick him off the floor. In a soft voice she spoke, ‘Please, feel welcome here, Kyungsoo,’ giving him a comforting smile as he held his hands in hers.

After some rest, Ms. Wu busied herself in the kitchen, but not before urging Yifan to show Kyungsoo around the farm. The visit proved fruitful, with Kyungsoo opening up a little more. Even though they couldn’t communicate, Yifan would point at things and say the name in Chinese. Kyungsoo would repeat and then speak the word in Korean. It was simple, but they could both find enjoyment into speaking each other’s language. Kyungsoo’s smile appeared for the first time after he saw the sheep. He yelled a Korean word at them and the sheep, as they do, yelled back. Yifan repeated the word with the same strength and again the sheep yelled back. The look Kyungsoo had on his face was of pure bliss, his eyes closed in halfmoons from the smile he had plastered on. Yifan couldn’t help but smile as well, finally seeing a crack in the blank mask the man had worn all day.

The smiles didn’t end there. Ms. Wu had made them a big dinner, welcoming Kyungsoo into their family like they hadn’t met just hours ago. Yifan had seen how his mother’s loneliness had settled in after grandfather died. She had been all alone on the farm for a year now. No doubt that she would be thrilled to have another human around, if the smile plastered on her face was any indication. The well manners of Kyungsoo didn’t go unnoticed by her either. Perhaps, in a way they both found their blessings in each other.

When the night fell, Yifan struggled with sleeping arrangements. Even after insisting on it, Kyungsoo refused to sleep on Yifan’s bed. Yifan had already made his make-shift bed on the sofa, guessing Kyungsoo could use a good night’s rest more than he did. Right before Yifan went to bed, he checked up on Kyungsoo in the bedroom and found him sleeping on the floor, curled up with his hands kept warm between his legs.

‘Kyungsoo,’ Yifan whispered in defeat. He came over and grabbed the pillow and blanket from the bed. Cautiously to not stir him, he placed the blanket over him. Sitting on his knees next to him to fit the pillow under his head, Kyungsoo’s eyes popped open and stared at Yifan. They didn’t detach from him as he lifted his head for Yifan to fit the pillow underneath. All nestled up like this, Yifan felt sympathy for the young man. He must have gone through a lot.

‘Sleep tight, Kyungsoo. Rest well.’ He spoke to no avail, knowing the man didn’t understand a lick of Mandarin.

***

Kyungsoo’s eyes shot open. A few hours had gone by sleeping, but his body never forgot to stir him awake in fear of being unguarded. He laid motionless as he took in his surroundings. A moment passed before he remembered what had happened yesterday. He clutched the blanket that he was curled up in, feeling more comfortable than he had been for the last four months. He stood up and walked to the window. It was still dark outside, but the sun would probably rise in a few hours. He took his chances and walked into the living room, finding his saviour sleeping there. It was a silly sight, the man’s long legs dangling over the armrest out of necessity because the couch was so small. He walked past him and opened the door.

It was hours as he sat on the perch before the door opened and Yifan’s head popped out. He sounded surprised, sleepy, and a little confused. He gestured for Kyungsoo to come inside.

Yifan’s mother was already at the table, serving three bowls of rice with some soup and vegetables. It was a sentimental sight for Kyungsoo, the domestic setting of an early morning breakfast with family had been lost to him for so long. The kindness he got from these strangers was overwhelming. Before he met Yifan, he had thought all Chinese were bad people. Too focused on themselves, never sparing a glance at a lone soul roaming the vast empty roads of Northern China. Not that it differed much from his own country, where food insecurity had made people greedy and unwilling to see the suffering of others.

It almost felt wrong to accept the hospitality, even if Ms. Wu kept pushing the bowl closer to Kyungsoo. He ate slowly, but neither company seemed to mind. The two relatives spoke easily in their own language, glancing every so often at Kyungsoo. They’d shoot him a smile when he caught them glancing over.

Somewhere halfway through breakfast, Yifan jumped up with big eyes. He yelled something and rushed to the room, then returned with his phone in hand. He spoke into it, then gave it to Kyungsoo. The text on the phone was in Korean, an artificial voice repeating what it said.

‘I’m so stupid, we can use a translator of course.’ The intonation was flat compared to the lively way Yifan had spoken.

Kyungsoo stared blankly at the phone, with the sudden option of talking, he had no clue where to start. Yifan gestured him to give the phone back.

‘You can speak into the phone, it’ll transcribe your sentence into text and translate it to Chinese. Try it!’

Kyungsoo hesitantly gave it a try.

‘Hi. My name is Kyungsoo. I fled from North-Korea. Thank you.’

Yifan and his mother exchanged glances.

‘So we guessed. Are you okay, how did you manage that?’

Before Yifan could give the phone to Kyungsoo, his mother slapped him on the shoulder. Her words fall on deaf ears with her not speaking into the phone, but her expressions were clear enough. Kyungsoo grabbed the phone.

‘Don’t worry, I understand the curiosity. I…’ Kyungsoo swallowed. He wasn’t really sure where to start. He let the phone get taken from him again.

‘We can talk about it some other time. Do you want to help around the farm?’ Yifan asked.

Kyungsoo agreed to it eagerly. He was a farmer himself too, well, before he defected. He was surprised to see similar equipment, those rumours of China’s great technological development had not reached agriculture yet.

Yifan taught him how things worked, trying to teach him what he already knew. The translation app was a disaster with more technical terms, so the man settled trying to explain with flailing arms and Chinese words. The first time it happened Kyungsoo had cracked up a smile so big he felt the muscles in his cheek stiffen, which was enough for Yifan to continue to do it. He couldn’t help but already feel a growing fondness for his ‘saviour’. He was kind and gentle, and mostly soft-spoken - until the goats started nibbling on his overall when he tried to clean the stables.

After the chores, Yifan and his mother gave him a heap of clothing they had lying around the house. The clothes weren’t from Yifan, that was for sure. The clothing had a colourful array of soft pastels and beige. The gamechanger was when Yifan opened up his own closet for Kyungsoo to pick what he liked. It was astonishing how many clothes the taller man had. For a moment Kyungsoo thought there must have been copies of the same items with the amount of black that was covering the wardrobe.

‘I don’t wear these often anymore, I have more clothing where I live.’ Yifan prompted.

While he felt guilty for wearing someone else’s clothes, he was kind of eager to have some more outfit choices. Yifan giggled when Kyungsoo grabbed one of Yifan’s old Tees, one with crude lettering on it, and pressed it onto his chest.

‘What?’

‘That used to be my favourite shirt back in high school. It’s funny that you picked that one.’

It was much too large by the looks of it, but it was Yifan’s so he found himself favouring the shirt. 

***

The next day, Yifan planned to go away.

‘I’ll have to go back to Shenyang. Please take care of the farm and my mother.’ He said before he left, his eyes sincere. He didn’t return the next days. It was conflicting. He’d grown attached to the stranger way too quickly, and now he was hoping he was returning soon again. With the man of the house gone, Kyungsoo spent his days on the farm working diligently in his stead. He wasn’t sure what role Yifan played in the farm, but his mother was too old to be working on it all alone. Now that he found something to work for again, he felt more alive than ever. There was a new obstacle to face, as Ms. Wu’s phone lacked in a good translation function, and Kyungsoo didn’t have his own to start the conversation. Nonetheless, he was treated kindly by Ms. Wu. She taught him some Chinese words, which he repeated to himself as he did his chores. If he was going to try and straighten out his life, it would be necessary.

Kyungsoo was getting used to life, living mostly in his own head. He was used to not speaking much before, but he had been silent for many months now after his defection. During his time tending the animals, or weeding the crops, he wondered about Yifan. He didn’t know a thing about the man, except for his kindness that brought a stranger into his maternal home. He couldn’t help but hope that they’d have more opportunity to talk in the future. Perhaps one day he could repay him somehow.

Two weeks later, his requests were answered. Ms. Wu was already cleaning the house for the return of her son. Kyungsoo helped, happy to contribute. Her love for her son made him think of his own mother. While his own mother was a little bit more cold towards him, only telling him to work hard instead of doting him with tea all day, he loved her dearly. He didn’t know how she was doing, or if he’d ever see her again.

‘Welcome home!’ Ms. Wu said when the familiar tall figure stepped inside. Kyungsoo stayed back, waiting for the man to turn his attention to him.

‘Hi Kyungsoo, how are you?’ That much he could understand without translation.

‘Good. You?’

‘Me too.’ Yifan nodded. He had bags under his eyes, and slouched when he sat down on the comforter.

Yifan was more docile this time. He followed Kyungsoo around, waiting for him to pick up something and joined him in that task.

‘Are you okay?’ Kyungsoo asked, then repeated the question into the translation phone.

‘I’m fine, just tired.’

‘Is your work difficult?’

‘No, just boring and making long hours.’

‘Then why do you do it?’ Kyungsoo couldn’t understand how one would be away from the farm for so long, their harvests must have suffered from the lack of attendance.

Yifan sighed. ‘Money.’

It sounded dramatic enough for Kyungsoo not to ask more. He, too, understood the value of money, and the heavy burdens of leaving loved ones for a better future.

That weekend, Kyungsoo learned a lot more from Yifan. He was an employee at a large IT company. He hated his work. He loved sports, he had tried skateboarding, played football in high school, but his true love was basketball. In the evening, he taught Kyungsoo the basics. Kyungsoo was too short and slow for any type of defence, but scoring points became easier as he improved his throws.

In the evening they fought who’d get the bed. Kyungsoo felt bad for having him sleep on the couch while Kyungsoo is in his bed, but Yifan was adamant about it.

***

A week ago Yifan had promised his mother he would take Kyungsoo to the city. His mother had been raving about Kyungsoo wanting to learn their language, and with their monthly earning pressed in his palm, she left no room for arguing. They set off on Sunday morning, giving them ample time for shopping before Yifan had to work the next day.

Driving and talking with a translating app had proven difficult, but eventually they found their way, with Kyungsoo bringing the phone to his mouth. Though they both weren’t huge talkers, they filled their time easily. Kyungsoo told him about the people he had come across during his escapee journey. Yifan retold their first meeting, and how he had been irritated. Kyungsoo laughed.

‘You were pretty annoying, I thought what is my luck for only meeting stupid people?’ the app didn’t do justice to the way Kyungsoo had sounded in Korean, the inflection changing as he found the right word. Yifan guessed ‘stupid’ wasn’t the first word that came to his mind.

‘You can say it, I was a real dick.’

Kyungsoo laughed. ‘I don’t think that translated correctly.’

They arrived after noon in Shenyang, heading straight to the shopping mall. Kyungsoo’s eyes were big and round as Yifan dragged him through the city that he had familiarized himself with over the 3 years he had lived there. Yifan wondered if Kyungsoo had ever seen so many people at once. The streets were filled.

Kyungsoo gravitated towards Yifan in the large crowd, sticking close by and sometimes pinching the fabric of Yifan’s sleeve with his fingers. Yifan wrapped an arm around him, and it seemed to relax the smaller man. It was too noisy to use the phone, so they only shared short sentences with each other. Yifan half expected Kyungsoo to just pretend he understood, but at times he did know what he was talking about.

Yifan took them to the department store. It was a huge one, surely intimidating, but it’d be less stressful to not go shop-hopping. Kyungsoo wasn’t interested in the racks of clothing Yifan steered him to.

‘What about this one?’ Yifan asked, a multicoloured sweater in hands. Even when Kyungsoo was spending the evenings at the house, he would keep wearing the ugly body warmer his mom gave him. It was about time he got to wear some decent clothing.

Kyungsoo shrugged and glanced the other way. So far for that. He put the sweater in the basket.

A few rows further Kyungsoo grabbed a clothing piece and showed it to Yifan. It was a black shirt with iron loops that were strung together along the sleeves and shoulders of the shirt, holding it together.

‘Do you like it? Want to try it on?’ Yifan asked. It was a bold choice, the collar wide and revealing and the iron loops were big enough to show some skin as well.

Kyungsoo cocked his head and then pressed it against Yifan’s chest. ‘You!’ He laughed.

It took Yifan a moment to figure out he made a joke towards Yifan’s unusual fashion style. He laughed and returned the piece to its rack. ‘It’d look better on you.’

They left for the inhouse drug store next. Kyungsoo declined many of the items Yifan offered, so at some point Yifan stopped asking and just filled his basket with items he thought the man would need. They found some essentials like shampoo and body wash befitting for a young man. The elderflower scent Yifan had come to associate with his mother was too off-putting on Kyungsoo.

***

The city was overwhelmingly intimidating. There were so many people, so many senses tingled by the lights, noise, movements, and even smells. Kyungsoo stuck close to Yifan, who seemed confident and comfortable around these parts. He spoke easily with the strangers that came up to him, he dared to touch whatever was on display. While it was an enlightening experience for Kyungsoo’s small world, he was glad when they returned to the apartment in the evening.

Opposite of the city, Yifan’s apartment was small and stuffy. It smelled a lot like Yifan. He must still use the same washing powder as his mother does at home, as his shirts still carried it all the same. Yifan had a lot of clothing. They were very different from what he had seen in the rural areas he grew up in, as well as the people he met through his journey to the west. His old clothing at the farm were tame compared to the choices he had hanging here. His were closer to the clothing he had seen on the advertisements and magazines they displayed in the shops. He thought they would look great on Yifan, however impractical they seemed to be.

Yifan looked unlike he had ever seen him before the next morning. Kyungsoo had woken up, he was always a light sleeper, when Yifan emerged from his bedroom into the living room where Kyungsoo slept. His usual clothing were swapped for a neat suit and brown dress shoes. He could have sworn he saw Yifan blush before he said something he couldn’t understand. Maybe Kyungsoo was staring too much…

Kyungsoo wouldn’t dare to venture out on his own, so he remained inside the whole day. It didn’t matter, he spent his time playing with his new possessions. Yifan got him notebooks and pens, an audio player, study books. He also got his own soap. Yifan let him pick it out himself, but Kyungsoo had no clue what the products promised on the box, so he hesitantly grabbed one with a green print. He wasn’t used to having this many items for himself. He scattered them around them and arranged them neatly in size. He’d sniff his new bottle of body gel sometimes, smelling like what he expected the fruit on the packaging to smell like. He missed being on the farm already, this newfound free time left him a little bored. He dug into the study books soon after. He hadn’t studied in school since middle school. While school was strict, he always enjoyed learning new things. Certainly through books, which was a lot less threatening than learning about cities by walking through them.

***

Yifan returned to the apartment as soon as work would allow. He had been thinking about Kyungsoo a lot today. He had not reacted well to the city life, unlike most of the rural kids Yifan had known. He certainly remembered his own excitement when he first arrived in one as a first year student straight out of rural high school.

He was surprised to find Kyungsoo on the ground, reading a study book and making notes while being surrounded by the items they bought yesterday. It gave him a childlike charm of innocence, laying on his stomach with his feet in the air. The man was looking at him, a smile on his face.

‘You’re already studying, eh?’ Yifan asked. He pointed to the book and held his hands in front of his face as if he was reading them. Kyungsoo nodded and flipped to the pages he had already passed. Yifan raised his thumbs up for him, then headed to the kitchen to boil some tea for them both.

Stupidly enough, Yifan hadn’t explicitly told Kyungsoo to feel free to eat anything that could be found in the apartment. One glance at the trashcan told Yifan Kyungsoo had not eaten all day. Worried for his already thin looking new ‘brother’, he invited him to have dinner at the Korean restaurant near the apartment. It was a small restaurant, but Yifan knew it was authentic. Despite Yifan’s hope for Kyungsoo to feel more at home in such a place, Kyungsoo looked just as uncomfortable. He wondered about him, what his life was like before he became a refugee. Had he ever even been to a restaurant?

The shop owner came over to them to order. Kyungsoo said nothing, so Yifan ordered something for the both of them. Kyungsoo was still hesitant to eat, but when the kimchi came out, his eyes lit up. Yifan poked the bowl towards him, with Kyungsoo eagerly picking up a bitesize to eat. They reordered kimchi three times before Kyungsoo couldn’t finish it anymore. He looked satisfied when Yifan ate it too.

‘You like?’ He asked in Chinese.

Yifan blinked. ‘I like it a lot.’

The smile that appeared on the younger man’s face was priceless.

The next evening Kyungsoo was lively when Yifan returned home.

‘Brother, how was work?’ He asked, his study book in hand. Yifan joined him on the couch.

‘Boring, as usual. How was your day?’

‘What?’

Yifan repeated the words, slower this time.

‘Ah,’ he smiled, ‘my day was fun. I want to watch a movie. With you.’

‘With me? Sure, what kind of movies do you like?’

‘Maybe, romantic?’

Yifan arched an eyebrow. ‘I didn’t know you liked those kinds of movies.’ Actually, he didn’t expect him to have any preference towards movies at all, maybe the thought of him watching movies in North Korea was too foreign for him to phantom.

‘I sometimes watched Korean dramas with my little sister, she’d get them from a…’ Kyungsoo grabbed his phone and typed something. ‘A smuggler?’ He looked at Yifan for validation, but Yifan couldn’t understand.

‘Forget that, you have a sister?! Where is she now?’

Kyungsoo face turned solemn, shaking his head.

‘Did something happen to her?’

With the conversation becoming less textbook-ready conversations, Kyungsoo switched to his translation service on his phone. With a cold computer voice, it said: ‘I don’t know. She told me he was going to escape Korea one night, and the next morning she was gone. We haven’t seen her since.’

Yifan bit his lip. ‘I’m sorry. How long ago was this?’

Kyungsoo raised two fingers. ‘Two years.’

The hurt on his face broke Yifan’s heart. He scooted over on the couch and hugged him. It surprised him a little when Kyungsoo sank into the hug with a sigh, wrapping his arms around Yifan and palming his lower back. Kyungsoo kept his face snuggled in Yifan’s chest and the latter felt his heart speed. It was a weird feeling that overcame him, like an eagerness to understand his situation better. He was ill prepared to comfort someone from a life he was so unfamiliar with.

Then suddenly, Kyungsoo popped his head up, face unreadable. ‘Let’s pick a movie.’

‘Okay, but first.’ Yifan had finally gotten around buying a sim card for Kyungsoo. He fished out the old phone he had lying around in one of the cabinets and presented it to Kyungsoo. The latter cocked his head. Yifan translated it and started working on the phone.

‘Is it really for me?’

‘Of course. It’s about time you become connected to the world.’ Yifan said grinning. Or well, as much as the internet restrictions in China allowed them to be connected.

‘Thank you so much!’ Kyungsoo said, giddy. After Yifan arranged all the settings, to be certain Kyungsoo will not exceed his data bundle, he handed it over.

The man played with it for a while until they remembered they were going to watch a movie.

Yifan picked a movie, a historical romance that one of his colleagues had talked about a few weeks prior, and played it on the laptop. Despite it not being exactly his favourite movie genre, it was entertaining to see how the main character get rosy cheeks talking to her handsome looking servant, oblivious to the fact he courted her through small gestures like putting flowers on her desk or polishing the horse’s gear before she went out for a ride.

‘Did you like it?’

‘Yes, my servant. It was to my liking, now please gather the straw from the field,’ Kyungsoo quoted the movie.

Yifan blinked. ‘How did you remember that so easily?’

Kyungsoo shrugged. ‘A girl’s secret.’

Yifan burst out laughing, resting a hand on the man’s shoulder. For the first time that he moved here, his apartment finally felt habitable and warm. In a moment of clarity, he realized how alone he had been.

‘What’s wrong?’ Kyungsoo asked, snapping him out of his thoughts.

‘Nothing. Let’s go to sleep.’ Yifan rushed to get away from the situation, or rather, his own mind.

Yifan brought Kyungsoo back the weekend after. Kyungsoo had been restless in the apartment for some days, but he was always diligently studying when Yifan came home and practiced with him in the evening. The apartment seemed cleaner too. Yifan figured Kyungsoo wasn’t a city person. He was best left at the farm.

***

The return to the farm was long overdue in Kyungsoo’s mind. Ms. Wu hugged him, a foreign feeling that made him feel a multitude of things. A sense of belonging, of being missed, but also of the loss for those he had once embraced back at home.

Yifan spent one night at home before returning to the city. The man was interesting to Kyungsoo. In a way, they were similar. Yifan did not speak much. Kyungsoo had first thought it must be because of the language barrier, but he had observed the interactions with his mother. They were a quiet family, most of their words were unspoken. Yifan did his chores around the farm without having asked to, even if his mother spoke to him in a stern voice that had Kyungsoo guessing she wanted her son to take it easy. Ms. Wu had given Kyungsoo Yifan’s room, which after much confusion, Kyungsoo had accepted. He didn’t know why she would do that, and it felt a little invasive to take up someone else’s space. Every little item in the room was a reminder that it was Yifan’s room. Before he had left, he had cleared out some shelves for Kyungsoo to place his new items. Mixed with Yifan’s items, Kyungsoo felt overwhelmed by the amount of possessions they had combined.

The next weeks Kyungsoo settled into a steady pace of chores around the farm and studying Chinese. The book Yifan bought him was Korean to Chinese, but some of the Korean words were unknown to him. It made him realize the dividing of the Korean peninsula had not only changed the people, but also the language. Nonetheless, learning became easier as the time went by. Ms. Wu would animatedly explain what a word or sentence meant, when it was possible. At other times she shook her head, unable to help to explain that.

Yifan didn’t visit until a month later. When he returned, he looked more worn out that he had done before. First thing he did was fall on the couch, where he fell asleep not soon after. It was already late in the evening. Ms. Wu didn’t seem worried and said Yifan was always tired. She excused herself from the room in favour of sleeping, telling Kyungsoo to not stay up too late.

It was not the welcome back Kyungsoo had expected. He had been rather excited to see him again, and now all he could do was stare at his sleeping body. Kyungsoo took the blankets from his room and laid them over Yifan. Sleeping in his room while its original owner laid on the couch didn’t feel right, so Kyungsoo took the other couch to nestle on. He fell asleep thinking about what he would want to say to Yifan next morning. He would show him how much Chinese he had learned, hoping it would earn him a smile.

***

Yifan woke up in the middle of the night, his back aching from the weird position he had fallen asleep on. Startled like he was hallucinating a shadow on the other couch, his heart beat again when he realized it was Kyungsoo. He wondered how he ended up here. He had already discussed with his mother before that Kyungsoo would get his room, he better not have slept on the couch this whole month while Yifan wasn’t here. Not wanting to wake him, he left him on the couch. The blanket that had spawned on Yifan during his unconsciousness he took and laid it over Kyungsoo. His knuckles brushed past Kyungsoo’s arms and the coldness of the skin worried him.

Yifan returned to his own room before realizing the blanket he had given Kyungsoo was the blanket for the bed. Yifan sighed and went about searching for another one on the attic. Before he knew it, he spent thirty minutes getting ready for bed once again. He just finished washing up his face and walked to the room, only to be startled yet again by a shadow hiding in the dark.

‘Kyungsoo?’ He whispered. The shadow took a step forward to reveal it was indeed the smaller man. Yifan sighed in relief. ‘Jeez, don’t scare me like that. Thought I was going crazy… Again.’ It wouldn’t have been such a far stretch if that was actually the case, he had been working overtime continuously for the past weeks. His mind might as well be as broken as his body was.

Kyungsoo said something in his own language, his voice low.

‘Did I wake you up?’

Kyungsoo cocked his head, then shook it.

‘Good.’ Yifan emphasized with a thumbs up. Now that Kyungsoo was awake, Yifan could hardly go to the bed that had once been his. Yifan had accepted the fact he would sleep on the couch when he would visit, seeing they had no spare rooms and it would be unfair to banish Kyungsoo out of his own room for just the few weekends Yifan would be here. But if Kyungsoo would have chosen to fall asleep on the couch, it wouldn’t have hurt to lie in the bed while it was unmanned, Yifan had reasoned in the time it took to find a new blanket.

‘Kyungsoo, go to bed.’ Yifan pinched the bridge of his nose when Kyungsoo didn’t move. ‘Come, come.’ He tried again, this time placing his hand on the man’s shoulder and guiding him to the bedroom.

‘No, no.’ Kyungsoo began to protest, physically trying to get out of the room. ‘You, your room.’

‘No, no, your room now!’ Yifan replied and shoved him back inside. He had the luck of being taller and more broad, but he was surprised by the strength the man actually carried. He had gained some muscle on his body since he had last seen him. Even his cheeks looked more round, healthy compared to the thin frame he supported when they’d first met.

Yifan rushed to the door and locked Kyungsoo inside. They tugged at the door from either side. Thinking about it rationally, Yifan started to laugh over the ridiculousness. Fighting over who should sleep in the bed, a battle of politeness. Kyungsoo noticed the lack of tugging on Yifan’s part of the door and accidentally swung the door open too powerfully, the doorknob crashing against the wall with a loud thump. It shocked him temporarily, but then he glanced at Yifan and chuckled.

‘I can’t believe we’re doing this,’ Yifan said through his laughter. If anything, it would have been easier if both slept on the couch. They had already wasted precious sleeping time. Somehow that mattered little when Yifan saw the man laugh. Quietly at first, but the more Yifan laughed, the louder the other man became too.

In the end Yifan took the bed. Kyungsoo was stubborn and arguing was pointless. A few hours later he woke up groggy, still tired from work and the lack of sleep it had caused. He joined his mother and Kyungsoo for lunch, having slept through breakfast.

Afterwards, they did their chores. Kyungsoo, now well versed on the farm, went to the chicken coop to retrieve eggs while Yifan set to clean the goats’ stables. Yifan dropped the water bucket when he wanted to put clean water inside, his feet tripping over nothing and crashing down on the ground next to bucket. His knees were drenched with water when he picked himself up.

‘Are you okay?’ Kyungsoo asked beside him. He had his hand stretched out towards him, but he lowered it awkwardly when Yifan had already gotten up by himself.

‘Yeah, I’m just a dumbass.’ Yifan shrugged off the dust that stuck to the wettened part of his overalls. Kyungsoo smiled at him, only a brief moment of amusement before he turned around and got back to work.

The rest of the day was shared in much of the same fashion. Yifan did his job as he always did, clumsily and slow, with the exception of a quiet one-man audience. He was convinced Kyungsoo ghosted him at this point, always there to quietly smile at him when he messed up again.

At night Yifan took his leave towards the city again. Kyungsoo stared him down from the living room, standing with his cup of tea in the middle of the room. They waved goodbye, unsure what could be said. In a fleeting moment, he thought Kyungsoo might be sad he was leaving again. Yifan had no idea what the man was thinking. 

‘You should take good care of your new brother now, Yifan,’ his mother scolded him when she walked him to his car.

‘I will, mom. He is doing a good job at the farm, is he not?’

‘He is. He’s a blessing, so kind and hardworking. I hope you are getting along well with him. He’s eager to welcome you back again.’ Her lips twitched. In the small month he had been working on the farm, they had bonded more than Yifan would have expected.

‘He is a good kid. I am sorry I cannot be with you so often, I know you’ve been struggling these last few years…’ Yifan bit his lip. He didn’t like emotional confrontation, but he had been a bit moody lately. He entirely blamed the stress he was experiencing through work and the lack of leisure time he had to unwind or hang out with friends.

His mother smiled. ‘You pull your weight somewhere else and don’t let that be forgotten. I’m proud of my handsome businessman son!’ She cooed and pulled a face on him with her hands. Yifan swatted her away in embarrassment.

‘Take care, mom.’

‘You too, dear,’ she replied. She had this sad smile she always had when he left. Yifan hated it, the mere sight of it resurfaced his guilt he felt for leaving her.

It was two months later when Yifan was called by his mother. That was nothing unusual, she often called to ask how he was doing and to tell him about her day. Lately she also kept talking about Kyungsoo, like how he had finally fixed the village’s well, after it had been broken for over 3 years. What was unusual was that it was at 6 am on a Tuesday, and that the familiar thick accented voice of Kyungsoo was on the other end of the line instead.

‘Ms. Wu is ill. Doctor, she needs a hospital!’

Yifan was out of the door in record time. He drove over as fast as he could. Luckily he could avoid the usual traffic jam caused by workers that lived outside the city coming for work each morning. He managed to cut 20 minutes of his 2 hour drive there, thanking his sportscar as he did. When he arrived, he kept the car running and ran to the house. The door opened just before he reached it, revealing Kyungsoo with big eyes rushing him inside.

‘Mom?’ She was lying on the couch, propped up by a few pillows. He ran to her and dropped to his knees. ‘What is wrong?’

‘Yifan,’ she coughed as she spoke, ‘I’m very short of breath.’ The effort she took to breathe was daunting.

Yifan turned to Kyungsoo, who stood frozen in the doorway. ‘How long has it been like this?’

‘I don’t know. She did not tell me, but she didn’t leave the house.’ Kyungsoo seemed to struggle with the language, sighing deeply and glancing into nothingness. He fuzzed when he couldn’t find the right words. ‘A few days?’

Yifan ignored it and lifted his mother up. She was awfully light, not that he had carried her ever before. He just expected a heavier burden, she couldn’t weigh more than the sheep he used to have to carry over fences at times. Kyungsoo followed him with a pillow. Out of the door, he quickly tugged the blanket that had been dragging on the floor. Once she was settled into the car seat, Yifan turned to the distressed smaller man.

‘I’m bringing her to the hospital. Stay here and take care of the animals, I’ll come back to discuss things with you, okay.’ He didn’t ask the last sentence as much as stated it. He gave Kyungsoo one look over. He looked devastated and confused. For a moment he thought it would be nice to have him with them in the hospital. He was part of the family now, after all. However, the animals would need to be fed and milked. He would just have to be patient for now.

‘Sorry,’ Yifan whispered as he drove off, the guilt of leaving him behind in such a state already gnawing at him.

The nearest hospital was a thirty minutes’ drive away. It wasn’t nearly as good as the one in Shenyang, but it’d have to do for now. They spent two hours waiting, before they’d run a series of tests on his mother. The oxygenator they equipped his mother with helped her revitalize, but it was only a temporary solution to a bigger problem. It didn’t stop her from lecturing Yifan for leaving Kyungsoo behind. When they announced she had to spend the night at the hospital, Yifan took his leave for the evening. He returned to the farm.

‘Kyungsoo?’ He placed the steamed buns he bought at the hospital on the table. The house was dark and quiet. First he checked his room, then the bathroom. ‘Kyungsoo?’ He yelled at the backdoor. Only a sheep blared back, followed by more – as they do. If the man hadn’t run away, all he could imagine he would be at the barn. With a sigh of relief he found him asleep in the sheep’s pen. Kyungsoo didn’t stir when Yifan approached him, or when the sheep began to move around from the sudden appearance of the tall human amidst them. This time Yifan was surprised by the weight in his arms, Kyungsoo cradled into them with a weight healthy for his size. In the few weeks they didn’t see each other, he had gained more kilos. His muscles grew well under the physical labour, mixed with the hearty meals his mom must have prepared for him like she did for Yifan when he was younger. He was a bit envious of the muscle mass the other man had accumulated, while his own had only degraded from his days behind a desk.

It took Yifan some minutes to figure out how to get out of the pen without dropping Kyungsoo, or himself for that matter. Only when Yifan slid the back door further open, having left it ajar when he went through it before, Kyungsoo woke up. Yifan had to control his urge to coo at him, his mouth pouty as his eyes shot around and landed on Yifan. He mumbled something in his native tongue, but otherwise remained docile. Only when Yifan settled him down on the bed did he move and sit up.

‘How is mom?’ He asked in a hurry.

Yifan patted Kyungsoo’s head while he squatted before the bed.

‘I don’t know…’ He answered truthfully, ‘I plan on taking her to Shenyang, to a big hospital. I want her to receive the best possible care.’

Kyungsoo nodded slowly. ‘She won’t come back?’

Yifan bit the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t likely that she’d ever be fit enough to work on the farm. This far away from a hospital could mean the death of her when an emergency would arise for a second time. He shook his head in defeat. ‘Anyway.’ Yifan cleared his throat. ‘Go to bed. We’ll talk more tomorrow.’

Yifan turned to leave, but the eyes burning holes in his back kept him from walking. Over his shoulder he looked at Kyungsoo. They were both unsure and anxious for what was to come. Both loved the woman dearly, that much was clear. Yifan couldn’t think about losing his mother, but it was a thought that had been haunting his mind for a long time now. Tears fell from his eyes before he registered them, much like the body that embraced him in that same moment. Yifan bawled his eyes out like he had never done before, suddenly caught up in all the emotions. Kyungsoo didn’t let go of him as one of his hands ran smooth circles on his back while the other softly fingered through his hair.

***

A quiet’s night rest was out of the question. Kyungsoo had drifted to and from dreamland, either awakening from a noise in the other room, or of his own dreams turning foul as they tended to do.

He dreaded the moment he got up and entered the adjoined kitchen where Yifan sat. His soft steps didn’t fall on deaf ears. Yifan glanced over, an insecure tug on one corner of his lip. Enough to unnerve Kyungsoo.

He sat down across the table, leaving the seat in front of Yifan empty to avoid direct confrontation.

‘Good morning,’ the man said, voice heavy. So far for that. ‘Did you sleep well?’

Kyungsoo nodded. A plate with a steamed bun and some soup was pushed towards him, which he gratefully accepted. Yifan was not eating anymore, his plate swapped for a notepad. He wrote while Kyungsoo was eating. It was almost peaceful, until the other sighed and placed his pen down to look at Kyungsoo.

‘We need to talk.’ He started. He ranted for a bit, but Kyungsoo couldn’t fully understand. ‘What do you want after that?’

Kyungsoo blinked, trying to process the words. ‘You are selling the farm?’

Yifan nodded hesitantly. ‘I have to. I know it means a lot to you, Kyungsoo, but it is the only option.’ Yifan translated the rest with the app. Yifan would sell the farm to whoever bid high enough, which made it unclear when he would be evicted from the place he had called home for these past 5 months. That led him to his next concern of where he would end up. He had no passport, no money, he had nothing. Without the farm though, what use would he have for the family that had harboured an ‘illegal’ refugee? His words dried up when he looked at the state Yifan was in. He looked as how Kyungsoo felt, distressed and uncertain.

Yifan cleared his throat and repeated his question. ‘Where do you want to go?’

‘I don’t know…’ Kyungsoo bit his lip. ‘Where can I go?’

Yifan’s eyes largened at that. ‘You can go your own way, but you can live with me in the city too.’

‘Why? Why, I can’t do anything.’

‘What? Don’t say that.’ Yifan scrunched his nose in disgust, followed up by another sigh and his head shaking. He reached out and enclosed one of Kyungsoo’s hand in his. ‘We can arrange something for you, don’t worry about that. You are my brother, Kyungsoo, and I won’t abandon you.’

Kyungsoo itched to pull the hand away, the touch foreign. He had too many emotions to wrap his mind around, one being included in the family portrait just like that. It was surprising to hear Yifan speak the words, because Kyungsoo never seemed to gauge the man’s thoughts.

The rest of the morning, Yifan spent time taking pictures of the farm and the animals, and instructing Kyungsoo to clean up the place. With so many items lying around the farm, they needed to be gone when the farm would be sold. It was quite the trust he put in Kyungsoo, knowing that he didn’t hold the same sentimental value to the items as he might. They went about it quietly, Yifan exhale loudly every so often. Kyungsoo followed him like a shadow, unsure what to do otherwise. They shared another hug when they said goodbyes, this time without tears but with the same unsaid promises. Kyungsoo had already vowed his life to the man that brought him shelter, but with how unstable Yifan had been acting, he was more determined to show his value to him.

***

Yifan left Kyungsoo with a heavy heart. He was unsure if the man could handle living there alone, let alone take care of a whole farm by himself. He pushed it aside when his car pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. His mother had the priority now. She was smiling when Yifan picked her up. In the car Yifan told her about the farm. She nodded understandingly, but the sadness touched her eyes.

‘When will I get to see Kyungsoo again?’ She asked, knowing full well that it all depended on when the farm would be sold. They could abandon it when all the animals were gone and the fields harvested, but with her state, he didn’t know if that would be on time.

‘Soon.’ He answered solemnly.

She grimaced. ‘Please be kind to Kyungsoo. He likes you a lot.’

Yifan raised an eyebrow. ‘He does? I can never read the guy.’

Out of the corner of his eye he saw his mother nod happily. ‘He asks about you all the time. I think he really looks up to you.’

‘Well yeah, he’s probably happy to have someone near his age around. There hasn’t been anyone under the age of 50 living in the village since Yunzhou moved for college.’ Yifan scoffed.

‘Sure, but you cannot deny he follows you around all the time when you’re at home. Just be gentle with him, okay? I’m worried about him,’ she said.

‘I know, mom. Kyungsoo is family, he won’t end up on the streets.’ His head throbbed. There was enough he had to figure out for now, where Kyungsoo would end was not one he wanted to put his mind to yet.

Weeks passed in a blur. Yifan occasionally called Kyungsoo, but being on the phone and manning the translation app was impossible, so they were limited in speech. Kyungsoo had been watching more movies and shows lately, so he would talk about those. It was a strange comfort, but the warm feeling in his chest after they hung up was welcome.

A month passed before Yifan returned to the farm. He had made a deal with someone for the animals. He managed to get a few days off work to spend some time with Kyungsoo as well, whom must have been lonely during these weeks. Nothing proved more false. He pulled up on the terrain and saw someone at the door with Kyungsoo. Yifan recognized her as one of the old ladies in their village. Kyungsoo noticed his arrival and waved at him eagerly.

‘Yifan! Why are you here?’ Yifan imagined if Kyungsoo had a tail, it would be wagging now. He took a step towards Yifan, but grew hesitant suddenly. Before Yifan could explain, the lady turned around

‘Oh, mister Wu. You have grown so much!’ She said. Yifan couldn’t recall her name anymore, he only ever saw her around as a child but never really spoke much to her.

‘Thank you. You are looking good too, Miss. How is your son doing?’ He bowed to her before walking over to Kyungsoo to hug him. The man stiffened in his hold, but when Yifan let him go, Kyungsoo held his hand on Yifan’s back.

‘Fine, fine. You know how it is. City life has matured him, just like you. You never told me you had a brother?’ She spoke, shifting the conversation simply as if it was no biggie, but Yifan questioned her integrity on the matter.

Yifan laughed nervously. ‘What did Kyungsoo tell you?’ Kyungsoo balled his hand on Yifan’s back by the mention of his name.

She shrugged. ‘Not much, he’s a quiet kid, is he not?’

Yifan glanced a shot at Kyungsoo. Did she not know he wasn’t Chinese? ‘Yeah. He went to a special school because of it.’ He knew that word would spread quick enough, but it mattered little anymore now. Yifan can still remember the worries his mother would always have whenever family matters were concerned. Growing up without a dad was uncommon and the neighbours had spread so many rumours about their family.

‘I see,’ the words trailed on the woman’s mouth, before nodding and saying her goodbyes. Yifan stood a little baffled.

‘Does she come more often?’ He asked.

‘She comes sometimes. Mom’s friend.’ Kyungsoo brushed it off and invited Yifan into their house. In the kitchen he grabbed the teapot and took it with two cups to the living room. ‘The tea is hot.’

‘Great, thanks Kyungsoo.’ Yifan waited for Kyungsoo to sit down. ‘How are you?’

Kyungsoo shrugged. ‘Okay. I cannot practice my Chinese anymore. The farm is quiet.’ He twiddled his thumb, before raising his head with a smile on his face. ‘But, I am happy.’

Yifan raised an eyebrow. ‘I am glad to hear that… I see you’ve cleaned the house well, I’m impressed.’ The house seemed a lot more empty without all the little trinkets his mother had kept around. The hollow feeling crept up on Yifan, a sense of finality now that the house he called home would no longer be theirs.

The pleasantries ended quick enough when Kyungsoo asked why Yifan was here. Both knew the reason, but Yifan hadn’t explicitly told him. ‘Is it time?’ He spoke in his smallest voice. Yifan nodded.

‘Let’s make the most out of it. The animals are picked up tomorrow morning, so spend some time with them if you want, okay?’

Kyungsoo stood as well and nodded. The glassy look he returned prompted Yifan to take his hand. 

The next days they spent sorting items, drinking a lot of tea, petting the animals, and occasionally watching a movie. Over the weekend, Yifan taught Kyungsoo small words he hadn’t mastered yet, and in the evenings they would settle on the couch and chat for how far that was possible. Yifan relayed the news of mom, who was, for now, stable in the hospital still and way too fond of Kyungsoo to not drop his name each time Yifan would visit her. Kyungsoo simmered, saying he couldn’t wait to see her.

The next afternoon they were driving back to Shenyang together. The car was stuffed, much like their heavy hearts. Kyungsoo stared out of the window for the most part. Yifan wondered what he was thinking about. Settling into a new area was always a hassle, but going from rural to a modern city could prove a real challenge. Despite the change of pace, Kyungsoo requested to see mother first.

The hospital was loud and packed with people roaming around. If Ms. Wu was feeling sick, she wasn’t showing any sign as she chatted happily with them. With both of them on the either side of her, she held both their hands with an indescribable joy on her face.

***

The apartment was much like Kyungsoo remembered it. Except now it was filled with Kyungsoo’s accumulated possessions too. Yifan had convinced Kyungsoo to get rid of some of the old clothing he had found around the farm and dressed himself in. No more old fleece sweaters, that was a first. In the end, most of the clothing he was allowed to keep were the old shirts and sweaters of Yifan. ‘I forgot my young self had such a good fashion sense,’ the man had joked when he pulled one of his black tees from the closet. There was a promise for new clothing along those words, but for now Kyungsoo would be happy to have some time to settle in.

Yifan showed him his half of the closet. Since it was a two room apartment, they shared a room together. Kyungsoo wondered if Yifan would be able to sleep comfortably sharing a bed with someone. His life seemed so different, it was hard to imagine what the man actually did in his free time here. A moment he thought about the possible dates the man might have brought home. That wouldn’t be possible anymore with him here. Kyungsoo had awkwardly stood around while Yifan changed into his PJs, the previous thoughts still fresh in his mind when he peeked a few shots at Yifan’s undressed state. He had a body Kyungsoo was envious of; tall, lean muscle but a bit of chub around his waist. His face wasn’t a drag to look at either. His glances weren’t subtle enough when Yifan suddenly spoke up and laughed a little awkwardly. Kyungsoo couldn’t understand what he said, but he assumed he was caught. He felt his ears burn and the room was suddenly a lot warmer. He fled the room with his PJs snatched off the bed as he ran.

When he returned, Yifan was already in bed. His back was turned to him, perhaps already asleep. Kyungsoo glanced at the man’s back, resisting the urge to embrace him. Outside he heard the horns of cars blowing even through the closed window. The street underneath their 16th floor apartment was bustling too. The city was too loud, way too loud for his liking.

‘Thank you so much,’ he whispered to the presumably already asleep figure next to him. He didn’t mean to get an answer. It was his earnest thought as he found himself in yet another new place, so much more foreign than the rural area. The truth was that he was scared. Change was scary, and here the change was like day and night.

His eyes widened when Yifan turned around and, without hesitation, swung his arm around him, pressing him close against his chest.

‘Don’t thank me. I’m sorry for all this,’ Yifan whispered back, his breath hitting the crown of Kyungsoo’s head as he did. Yifan said more, but Kyungsoo couldn’t follow his words. This time it wasn’t just the language barrier, it was his quickened pulse deafening him.

Kyungsoo settled into the apartment more easily this time. Yifan prompted him to feel at home, disliking the way Kyungsoo acted so careful around the room. In the evening, Yifan ordered home delivery. They ate while staring at the television.

‘Kyungsoo?’ Yifan asked when they finished eating. The man looked at him, then his gaze fell onto the small wrapped box Yifan held. 

‘Open it,’ he said softly after he handed the gift. The gift was a wallet, filled with some bills, a debit card and a fake ID. Kyungsoo cocked his head at the other man, overwhelmed by the value of it.

‘I think you need it, now that you live in the city.’ He explained how he went through the lengths of getting a fake ID. It would be necessary if someone would ask him for one, the risk would be too big if he had nothing to show at least.

‘Thank you.’ Kyungsoo bowed deeply. Yifan scoffed in return and pulled him up and into a hug.

Miraculously, ms. Wu’s condition stabilized. Kyungsoo visited every day, whereas Yifan every few days due to work and limited visiting hours. Kyungsoo continued to study the language. With Yifan coming home each evening, he had plenty of opportunity to practice. Yifan glowed when Kyungsoo remembered something he explained. With not much else going on in his life, it were the moments he looked forward to. He had essentially become a househusband, cleaning the house, doing groceries and longing for the evenings spent with his far-from-husband. He would even wake up before Yifan did, preparing coffee and a simple breakfast for him. Yifan had protested against that, saying it wasn’t necessary even if he was flattered by it. Farmers’ biological clock are hard to beat out of someone, Kyungsoo would wake up early either way. With the weeks passing by, Kyungsoo grew more restless. His fingers itched for labour. His mind played with him from all the boredom he experienced. He didn’t go out much. The fear of being found out and getting deported to his home country held him back. Only when Yifan joined him, he would go.

‘Kyungsoo, let’s do something fun today.’ Yifan raised from his seat after he finished his morning coffee.

‘Like what?’ Kyungsoo had hesitated to ask Yifan to do something outside the door with him, having seen him always tired or sleeping at home.

‘I know a place we can visit in style. Let’s go!’

Kyungsoo was surprised Yifan brought him to the Shenyang imperial palace, but more so when they took a detour to the closest costume shop.

‘What are these?’ Kyungsoo asked as an employee of the shop tugged him into some traditional Chinese clothing. Yifan had picked it out for him, a ivory white dress with kimono style sleeves and decorative symbols on either side of them, clasped around his waist with a thick belt. Underneath was a olive green long skirt with an embroidered dragon on the front cover.

‘It’s called Hanfu, clothing from the Han dynasty. I’ve seen online a lot of young people dress up in it when they go to traditional palaces and areas. Do you like it?’

Kyungsoo looked at himself in the mirror. It was a new look. The shopkeeper had tied his hair into a bun on top of his head, some hair sticking out from the short cut he wore. It was hard to recognize himself like this, but he was please by it. He raised a thumb up to Yifan.

The shopkeeper guided Yifan into the dressing room next. He appeared again wearing something somewhat similar, albeit simpler in design. His dress was baby blue and tied at his waist, white overlocked shirt tucked underneath with a light grey overcoat draped over his tall frame ending below his knees.

‘Does it look that good?’ Yifan chuckled.

Kyungsoo belatedly noticed his jaw had gone slack. He shut it.

Outside with their new attire, looking like they stepped out into a new century. Self-consciously Kyungsoo tugged at his sleeve, but was intercepted when Yifan took his hand into his.

‘This is exciting, eh?’ Yifan smiled and Kyungsoo could take on the world. They roamed entered at the courtyard, in the middle of the imperial palace. There were multiple people in special hanfu outfits, but most were girls.

‘Why do I only see girls wear these outfits?’ Kyungsoo asked through the translation app.

‘They like it more, I suppose.’

‘They keep staring at us, are you sure men wear this?’

Yifan chuckled. ‘They stare because we look so good.’

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. ‘Sure.’

Yifan took them to the concubines wing, explaining what he had learned during his high school history classes about the forbidden city, as he had no clue about the only other imperial palace.

‘-and they usually led a pretty dreadfully boring and lonely life.’

‘Did concubines or workers ever escape the palace?’

‘I don’t think so. They were usually killed when they committed treason. ‘

Kyungsoo nodded absently.

‘Can I... Uh.’ Yifan started, looking uncomfortable.

‘What?’

‘You never talk about your past. Can I ask you about it?’

He nodded, causing the other to become visibly more relaxed.

‘How did you escape North Korea? And why, is it as bad as the news makes it out to be?’

‘I paid a smuggler to get me to the border with China. It’s the most common way to get out, you swim the Tumen river and end up in (village name). A lot of Koreans hide there.’ Kyungsoo let Yifan read the translated message. ‘I don’t think my life was too bad. I worked on a state-owned farm, doing the same laborious work. It was exhausting, but at least I got food every day.’ The concubines Yifan just spoke about were lonely because they sat in their respective room every day. There was nothing to look forward to, only the small chance of meeting the emperor that could lift their boredom and advance their power in the palace. Kyungsoo likened his situation to them, though his chance never come through.

‘Why did you leave?’

‘Unjustifiable things kept happening. At first you’re like, ‘okay this is a bit overboard, but if the regime demands, there must be a good reason’, but then it escalates into all these things that in the end you look back at and you wonder why you accepted all the things before that…’

Yifan nodded.

‘Things like people ‘disappearing’, being sent off to prison for watching South Korean shows. Ironically, the rich can bribe themselves out of it. The worst was when the state commanded us to plant opioid plants, despite our village having food shortages.’

Yifan laid his hand on Kyungsoo’s now shaking one.

‘They let so many people die, Yifan.’ He willed his voice not to waver, despite the lump in the throat obstructing it. The dry voice of the translator was a stark contrast.

Yifan pressed him against his chest with his arms wrapped around him. It was a foreign touch, but so comforting. He leaned into it and placed his head in the nape of his neck, letting this thoughts grow silent.

The comfort subdued into awkwardness as Kyungsoo came back and realized they had been snuggled up in a tourist area dressed excessively and people must most definitely be staring. He pulled away and Yifan chuckled.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah. Sorry… For that.’ Kyungsoo was nearly knocked off his feet from the sudden slap on his back.

‘Don’t apologize for that!’ Yifan returned his phone to his mouth to translate something. ‘I feel like I should be the one apologizing. Sometimes I do not realize you’ve been through a lot, and how that has affected you.’

‘Don’t be.’ The troubled look on the man’s face said he wouldn’t let this go easily.

‘Kyungsoo…’ Yifan dragged the name through his lips. ‘You don’t need to bear all your emotions alone, you know. You can lean on me more often.’

Before Kyungsoo could answer, Yifan linked his arm with his and pulled him to the next point of interest of the palace.

The rest of the time they spent on a lighter note. Sometimes they were interrupted by strangers asking for a picture. Yifan posed so naturally, Kyungsoo would mimic and hope he was looking decent in comparison.

‘Actually, we haven’t even made pictures of ourselves. Go stand over there, Kyungsoo.’

Kyungsoo reluctantly found a spot in front of the main throne room. Yifan snapped a few pictures, then called over one of the strangers and came up to stand next to Kyungsoo.

The pictures turned out nicely, the photographer had taken the entire view into mind, the angle a bit low so that even Kyungsoo’s short legs would look a bit more lengthy. Kyungsoo was about to pull away when Yifan pulled him back to him, the phone now showing themselves on screen.

‘One picture like this!’ He said. They smiled to the device while the screen flashed.

Kyungsoo could only glance at Yifan’s fixated smile, trying to be as picture perfect as could be.

‘Okay one more,’ Yifan said and pulled his hand in the frame, a peace sign. ‘Do something too, Kyungsoo.’

As Yifan snapped the photo, Kyungsoo turned his head and pressed a kiss on Yifan’s cheek.

‘Wha-, where have you learned that?’ He laughed.

‘I saw some girls do it when taking a picture.’ And it looked like the perfect excuse to kiss you. ‘We’re dressed the part.’

‘I told you the outfits we wear are for men!’

Upon finishing their visit, they returned to their original clothing and ended somewhere for dinner. In the evening Kyungsoo couldn’t fall asleep easily, his mind wandered to the good memories made today.

***

Some nights Yifan would wake up in the middle of the night. He tended to sleep poorly, sometimes enough to give up on it entirely and take out his phone to watch videos on it for the rest of the night. Since Kyungsoo had been here, he slept a little more soundly. The first three days he had to get used to sharing the bed, his body waking up from every little movement or noise the other man made. Now, he found comfort in those ministrations. He would still wake up, but sleep found him sooner after as well.

He opened his eyes and let them take in the darkness as it registered slowly to his drowsy brain. Kyungsoo was laying curled up next to him, his head only an inch away from Yifan’s chest. The sight warmed his heart. Kyungsoo was a relatively small man in stature, but his body was firm. It contrasted with his protective position, almost innocent like. Yifan reached out and patted his hair. Uncoordinated his limps still were, his hand clumsily fell on Kyungsoo’s head harder than expected. He cursed his own hand and hoped the latter wouldn’t wake. His hair was so soft. His fingers dug underneath the locks of hair, nestling against his scalp.

Yifan stiffened when Kyungsoo moved his head. Instead of pulling away like he expected, Kyungsoo moved closer and nuzzled against Yifan’s chest, even wrapping one arm around his waist. Whether he was awake, Yifan didn’t know, but at this point it mattered little. He leaned in and placed a kiss on the man’s hair, in between the fingers that still rested between his roots.

‘Sweet dreams,’ he whispered. He settled into slumber soon after.

The next weekend Yifan had some spare time, so they went to a petting zoo. It was small and not very well maintained, but Kyungsoo seemed to appreciate it nonetheless. His gaze was distant as he stared at the mini goats grazing around. Yifan was itching to apologize to him for it. They only stayed for an hour, passing through the exhibits leisurely but unattentively. They settled into a small café in the area afterwards. The café was mostly empty, except for the few elderly couples spending their Sundays outside. Yifan let Kyungsoo order for them both at the cash register. The task was easy enough, but Yifan couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride as the man got their order right. Enough so to let it slip that Kyungsoo ordered them two cakes in addition to their drinks.

Kyungsoo smiled when the waiter handed them their drinks. Kyungsoo’s cappuccino had a heart drawn on the foam, which extended his smile as he watched it. He was in a better mood now, glancing around to take in the details of the café. Yifan idly touched the plant he sat next to, probing his nail into the leaf and watch as the cut darkened at its edges.

‘So how are you really doing, Kyungsoo?’

It steered the man’s gaze at Yifan, his face unreadable as he said, ‘I’m doing well.’

Yifan held in the urge to sigh in defeat. They’ve had those conversations before, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t budge. Whether he hated showing his real emotions or if he felt guilty if he didn’t show gratitude, Yifan didn’t know. He certainly hoped it wasn’t the latter one.

‘Aren’t you bored every day while I’m at work?’

‘Maybe. I am happy when I see you.’ Yifan wanted to interject, but Kyungsoo raised a hand. ‘Thank you for spending time with me.’ His lips curled into a smile, before they were hidden behind the cup he brought to his lips.

‘I am happy when I see you too,’ Yifan mumbled softly, a little embarrassed. The cake slices were brought and Yifan quickly distracted himself with his part.

‘Do you like it?’ Kyungsoo asked, placing his cup down and moving to the tip of his lounge chair to dig into his cake too. He ordered two different cakes, but Yifan expected him to want the carrot cake since he had previously liked it so much. A bite of the cake later and the unconscious joy it brought the man showed that he indeed still liked it well.

‘Is it good?’ Yifan sliced off a piece of his red velvet cake and offered the fork to Kyungsoo. ‘Would you like to try this one?’

Kyungsoo nodded and leaned in. A little taken aback, Yifan froze for a second before he leaned in too and fed him the cake. They both laughed. Yifan’s heart beat faster.

‘Would you ever want to work on a farm again?’ Kyungsoo asked after he rid himself of the taste of cake on his lips with cappuccino.

Yifan cocked his head at him, trying to read the vague expression on his face. Hopeful, perhaps, curious. He gave the question a moment’s thought. Since he was young, he wished to live in the city. Farm life was boring, while the city always held adventures. Funny enough, he expected life to be easier, less work load than the daily chores on the farm. Lately, his job proved otherwise. Since he started working after college, the visits to his mother had been a pleasant escape from the chaos his job and city life brought him.

When he didn’t answer, Kyungsoo was glancing back at him with an intensity that only his big, round eyes could muster.

‘I wouldn’t oppose to it,’ was the answer Yifan settled on. Deemed satisfactory, Kyungsoo became all smiles.

‘I didn’t expect that answer. Won’t you miss city life?’

‘Maybe, but I could have both if I chose the right location. Living just outside the city would be cheaper too, and let’s not forget about the air quality!’

Kyungsoo nodded. ‘Good to know…’

‘You know, I read that every Korean is welcome as a South Korean citizen…’ Yifan had been wanting to bring up the topic before. It was risky for a North Korean defector to stay in hiding in China. If he was caught, he’d be sent back to his home country and who knows what they’d do to him.

Kyungsoo glanced at him and chewed until his mouth was empty before replying, ‘Oh?’

‘It’s for North Korean defectors. There are rehabilitation programs to integrate you into South Korea.’ Yifan had read about it a week ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell it to Kyungsoo right away. It were government funded programs that would integrate defectors into society, offering housing and financial support upon first arrival.

‘I don’t get it.’ Kyungsoo replied.

And so Yifan explained to him what they offered. ‘They even help with getting a job. I’m sure they can find you a place at a farm, you might even choose what kind of animals or crops you want to attend to!’

Kyungsoo nodded slowly. ‘I see.’ He took another spoonful of cake, his foot was tapping. Yifan waited for an answer more substantial, glancing as the man chewed slowly. When his mouth was empty, Yifan was sure that he would speak. Instead, he took another bite.

‘Well, what do you think?’ He asked, slightly irritated.

‘It sounds good. Right?’ Kyungsoo countered.

‘It is. It is super good.’

‘What do you want, Yifan?’

‘No, I’m asking you what you want. Don’t you want to live there, with other Koreans, speaking in your own language?’

Kyungsoo shrugged. ‘It’s not my country. I don’t want to integrate into their culture.’ He stared for a moment, then he lifted his gaze to meet Yifan. ‘Or do you want me to go?’

‘I just want you to be happy, Kyungsoo.’

‘I want to be happy with you.’

Yifan’s heartbeat accelerated. ‘What exactly.. Do you mean by that?’

‘Whatever you want it to be.’

‘Please don’t be so cryptic now.’

‘I like you, Yifan. As a brother, as a man, as someone precious to me.’ 

Yifan swallowed the lump in his throat. ‘That’s… Great. You’re always welcome.’

Kyungsoo nodded, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at the plate in his hands. ‘Let’s go home soon.’

They left the conversation at that and went home soon after, having a quiet evening at home. It was already late at night when Yifan settled for bed. Kyungsoo had left thirty minutes before, but Yifan had to watch another episode of the series he was following since the previous one ended on a cliff hanger.

He snuck into the room as quietly as possible. Kyungsoo’s breathing was a bit irregular, perhaps he was still awake. Yifan vanished into the bathroom adjacent from the bedroom’s to brush his teeth quickly, wash up his face and slip into his PJs. Returned into the bedroom, he dug under the bedsheets. Turning to Kyungsoo to say his quiet sleep tights, he saw two eyes looking back at him.

‘Oh, you’re still awake?’

Kyungsoo scooted closer, laying his forehead against Yifan’s chest. Naturally, Yifan enclosed his arms around him, pressing his body against the other. Kyungsoo shifted around, his arms coming around and tugging on Yifan’s shirt.

‘Huh?’ Yifan said as he glanced down confused, finding Kyungsoo’s lips pressed against the fabric of his shirt. Kyungsoo shot him a glance before he pulled down his collar and pressed more kisses on the skin underneath. Yifan shuddered when he reached his collarbones.

‘Kyungsoo?’ Yifan palmed the smaller man’s cheek, raising his chin up to align their lips together. Another day he would wonder why he did what he did, but now all he could think was how soft and kissable those lips looked. He pressed his own tentatively against his, pulling away to gauge for a reaction. They didn’t speak as Kyungsoo leaned up on his elbows to kiss him again. His lips left a trail of kisses on his jaw and neck, sucking on some patches of skin like he was marking him. Confused, Yifan leant back and let him have his way, his mind conflicted about his supposed ‘brother’. His body was less conflicted, reacting to all the sweet touches of hands and lips. His skin tingled delightfully, as if he was getting high on touches.

‘Kyungsoo…,’ he whined with a noise that sounded more like a moan.

Kyungsoo twitched and returned to kissing Yifan as he crawled against Yifan, causing him to roll on his back so the shorter man could lie on him entirely. Yifan’s thoughts left him when he could feel Kyungsoo’s stiff one against his leg, clearly turned on from the ordeal.

‘This okay, right?’ Kyungsoo asked, leaning on his hands to create some distance between their faces.

‘I don’t know…’ Yifan truthfully answered. Kyungsoo looked at him with a blank gaze.

‘It doesn’t have to mean anything… If you want.’

‘And what if I want it to mean anything?’

‘Then it’ll mean the world to me.’ Kyungsoo smiled. Yifan in return was stunned for a second. Boredom had probably turned Kyungsoo to watch Chinese dramas, if he is starting to recite cheesy love lines now. Yifan laughed and pressed an open mouthed kiss on the other’s lips. Kyungsoo seemed to get the gist of it as well, laughing along as they kissed. The euphoric feeling Yifan felt before returned, now instead of just his skin tingling, he felt his chest swell with contentment. They kissed for what seemed like hours, grinding their bodies together to find friction in the right places. While it was relatively tame, no clothes being flung away along the way, in ages Yifan hadn’t felt as turned on as he did tonight. With Kyungsoo’s slender fingers stroking his length, he orgasmed. He returned the favour, revelling in all the tiny mannerisms he got to see him in. From the involuntary hip bucking and his dirty fingers playing with Yifan’s hair, to the stuttering breath before his orgasm.

‘Is this what you meant loving me like a man?’ Yifan asked afterwards.

‘I’ve loved you like a man from the moment you brought me to your home. I hope I can make you love me like a man as well.’

‘I think I already do.’ Yifan placed a kiss on his forehead. Though they didn’t know what the future would hold, for now he was content living like this. He heard Kyungsoo exhale, before they both dozed off into slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a story after I read about the struggles of North Korean life and the brave defectors, so what I've written are some of the things I've heard them talk about. By no means is it based on a true story. I've kept Kyungsoo's past as much out of the story as I could because I don't think I'm fully able to grasp and convey the feelings North Korean defectors might have. There are a lot of articles and (Youtube) videos about the subject since the last few years so if you're interested please look them up! 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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